Free Video to Promote Marriage Education
In my last post one of my tips on promoting marriage education is to get the men committed. How do you do that?
A few years ago one of the pastors at our church gave a sermon on marriage. He suggested that men go home and ask their wives one question – “How are we doing?” One guy I know took his advice and asked his wife that question. He expected her to say everything was great. Instead, she broke down crying.
This was not an insensitive guy. I know that I felt the same way. My wife and I went through a period where we had to deal with our marriage issues. We had problems, but I was totally unaware that we had them. She suggested therapy and I didn’t want to go.
Studies suggest that women tend to be better barometers of the health of your marriage relationship. One study suggested that women notice the absence of the positive and men notice the presence of negative. This makes a lot of sense to me. As the relationship moves from positive to negative, women notice far earlier than men do. I know that was true in my marriage.
Here’s some of the reasons why we put off seeking help.
“I can handle it myself”
I can relate to this. A few years ago we had a wind storm damage a number of trees on our property. We had one large tree fall over and a number of branches were down in our yard. My wife saw it and suggested that we ask some friends to help us clean it up. Something inside of me pushed back on that idea. I wanted to handle it ourselves. So, I fired up chain saw and we spent the weekend clearing away branches.
I can’t explain why I feel that. Perhaps it’s a deep sense of responsibility? Perhaps I want to be strong? Am I embarrassed to ask for help? I felt that same way about our marriage issues. We can handle it ourselves. I’m not saying this is healthy, but it’s a real feeling.
Not Comfortable With Emotions
I can certainly put myself in this camp. I was not comfortable with my wife’s emotions, or my own. I knew that any type of marriage class would ask about my emotions. I didn’t want to put myself at a disadvantage by forcing me to deal with something that is uncomfortable.
Not Understanding the Risks
The pattern that I usually see is that women ask their husbands to seek help. He refuses. She gets more insistent or stops trying. Slowly, she disconnects. Her resentment builds. He notices the problem. If its gone on too long, she may have given up and now she’s not willing to try.
Men need to understand that there is a huge risk if they don’t engage.
In the book Changing to Thrive by Prochaska and Prochaska, they outline steps to change. They talk about demoralization as a barrier to change. You lose hope. You don’t know if change is even possible, so why try?
I rarely hear testimonies from the pulpit in church about how a couple’s marriage was struggling and how they turned it around. I know those stories are there, I just don’t hear them. So, looks like there isn’t is anything you can do.
Video – Bob’s Story
I know that those reasons I listed aren’t the only reasons why couples, or men, are reluctant to seek help. But, I created this video to address these issues. (How much can you address in 2 minutes?)
Here’s the story: Bob and Sara’s relationship declines with work and kids. Sara withdraws from fights. She starts to nag and complain. When she asks for help, Bob responds with wanting to do it themselves and not wanting to talk about emotions. I used the oil light example to communicate that if Bob doesn’t notice Sara’s growing discontent, she could disconnect. I wanted to provide hope by explaining that there are real skills that can help.
Please feel free to use this video to promote your marriage class!
Marriage Education Promo Video
If you’d like to use this video download it for free!